To Me,This Is Christmas
by Theadosia57
Summary: Would you like to know what Christmas means to me now, this year? Well, in that case, I'm gonna have to tell what it used to mean, before, so you get a comparison, so to speak! (Jasper's musing P.O.V) J/ B pairing DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its characters belong to S. Meyer. Otherwise, the rest is my musings on an AU.


**A/N: Merry Christmas everyone, hope you all get what you want or need! Enjoy the festivities and remember you've got 364 days to make up for any naughtiness from this year lol xx Alexis**

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You can't even begin to possibly know how much this Christmas means to me, bein' here in the embrace of the woman I love, the woman who's plannin' to share eternity with me soon, as my vampire mate and wife, surrounded by the people who also love us both equally. Let me try to enlighten you, a little then.

My name is Jasper Whitlock, sometimes I've been known as 'The Major', 'The God of War', 'Jasper Hale' or 'Jasper Cullen'. It took this woman here, right here in my arms to remind me, that I was not these personas, that I have shown the outside world, for all these long years, they were just parts of me or identities I'd had to play.

For decades the family, and by the family I mean, the Cullens, had seen me as Jasper Hale, Alice leadin' the charge and I just fell in with it. Thus losin' myself a little more as each year passed. But I can't just blame them, I let her transform me into a parody of myself. But that all changed two years ago when one beautiful girl altered us all.

So to explain what it all means now, I have to delve back in time and tell you what past Christmas' meant. The good, the bad, and the downright borin'! When you live for eternity, things shouldn't be allowed to be borin', but you'd have to know Alice, to see she makes everythin' mundane and joyless.

Her power is our curse. She sees and plans everythin', right down to the colour of our underwear. No choice, no deviation, no life. Why we allowed it I don't know, possibly cause no one whine's like Alice and of course she had the backin' of Mr beyond borin' himself, Edward.

He too uses his gift as a weapon, never tellin' us the funny or just plain crazy stuff he hears. That would mean him actually havin' a sense of humour, which I assure you he does not. No those two are likes peas in a pod, both unable to enjoy this life they were given. It's not plain sailin' I'll admit, but there is always time for a laugh.

 **TMTIC**

When I was a nipper, okay, when I was a human child, Christmas was all about family, religion and love. It was fun, full of homemade presents, singin' hymns in church, dressed in our Sunday clothes. We, the Whitlock's were a humble people back then and all the happier for it. It wasn't cold or anythin' like that, in fact, it was downright balmy, compared to many Christmas' since.

But we didn't know any different, that was what a good ole Texas Christmas was meant to be. I don't really remember individual ones that much, they are just rolled into one big joyously happy memory for me. That was what the first approximately sixteen years were like.

The Civil War years were less fun unless you were lucky enough to get home on furlough. But, because the men were from all over the southern states many different traditions were brought together to make them more special for all that. I spent my last one as a human Major, outside of Galveston Texas, in 1862.

Little did I know what awaited me only a few weeks later. I didn't celebrate another Christmas until after Peter and Charlotte came back for me in 1938, seventy-six years had passed and I had celebrated nothin' in all those long dark years. Charlotte tended to go a little over the top, due to havin' missed some herself, trying to reaffirm some good for us.

Just like someone else, I would meet ten years later in 1948, but she would take it to a whole new level of torture. Christmas with Alice was never fun, she meticulously planned everythin' to her own idea of what it should be like. The first couple on our own were better than most, it was all new to me back then, I'd forgotten so much.

But once we joined the Cullen's it got worse and worse. All of the fun and any spontaneity was gone. Between Alice's visions and Edward's mind readin', they sucked the joy of Christmas out of everythin', out of everybody, even poor ole Emmett. We ended up lookin' like we were in a tableau or an old master paintin'. Christmas was picture perfect and about as much fun as a human funeral.

Thank god for my brother, Peter. Year one, he sent me a keg of Whiskey, nobody had bothered to tell Emmett and Rose that vampires can actually get drunk. Well if you consume enough and we did! That did not go down well with the prissy twins, hell even Carlisle and Esme had a couple.

Alice could never circumvent him, he would decide on one thin' but send somethin' completely different, every year. Everyone always thinks that Alice hates Peter and Charlotte because they remind her of my past, not so! She hates that she can't control them and thus on occasion me too.

Year two, came a rodeo bull, that was damn good fun, everyone else gave it a go, Rose was pretty damn good, goin' by Emmett reaction anyway. Year three, was vouchers to learn line dancin', plus outfits for everyone. Alice refused to lower herself and Edward couldn't possibly take the stick out of his ass, for somethin' as common as country music. Esme loved that one, she took to it like a duck to water.

Year four, was a holiday in the Bayou, wrestlin' alligators, Emmett was beyond stoked with that one. Year five was learnin' to sharpshoot from horseback, now that was my favourite, I could already do it, the instructor was impressed, I'll admit I was showin' off a bit.

Year six, it was a mud-wrestlin' pool, Emmett and Rose purloined that eventually. But you get the idea, anythin' Alice would hate, Peter bought with great after year, he kept it up just to drive her mad. After about five years of this, Emmett, Rose and I started buyin' second presents, we got the Alice approved one's sure.

Then we bought each other fun stuff, just silly joke items. Emmett loved this the most, he had a crazy sense of humour, that the others never tried to appreciate. His childhood had been poor but fun, so he missed the real family feeling that Alice couldn't understand or recreate, not bein' able to remember it herself, so we lived the Hollywood ones of the decade we were in.

Slowly Esme and Carlisle joined in too, Carlisle started gettin' Alice and Edward tickets to a concert or opera, so when they left, we redid Christmas for ourselves. We enjoy a second fun one, without Alice and Edward spoilin' it for us. This had been goin' on for nearly fifty years, they still don't know anything about it. Their powers are just too easy to get around, they think they're so special, so damned important!

 **TMTIC**

So I guess you're wonderin' why I've stayed. Well, I love the other's too much now to go, so little by little I've pulled away from Alice, downright ignored the prude and enjoyed the rest of my family. Alice is so wrapped up in herself that she barely bothers me now, except for the constant shit about my bloodlust.

I sat down years ago with the others, explained how my power worked, how the accumulative effect can push me to the edge. But that it's usually either Edward or Alice that does it, she constantly baits herself but forgets it's me that stops her and he spends far too much time reminiscin' about his rebellious period.

He says it's to ensure he never does it again, but I know better, he misses human blood more than I do. So for every five times they go to high school, I go once, but Carlisle knows why. It's not just the emotions of the pupils or teachers I have to contend with, but the other four vampires there with me and we all get tempted now and then, believe me.

I doubt either of them are aware that my study is not only soundproofed, like Carlisle's, but Esme has over the years worked out how to emotion proof it as well. It's lined with several layers of different dense materials, this makes it feel like I'm miles away from them all, while inside the house.

They think I've mastered some meditation technique that makes me miss their emotions occasionally, but it's been a godsend for me. That brings us up to just before Christmas two years ago. We'd been in Forks Washington for two miserable years until Bella Swan arrived. Alice and I were now basically livin' separate lives, in separate rooms. Hell, I was glad to get away from all that pink shit of hers.

Suddenly Alice was all over me like a rash, I was damn near suffocated by her. I should have seen it then, but even I'm fallible. Edward suddenly fancied himself in love with Bella, she was his singer for Christ sake, but he wouldn't listen. Unfortunately, I was with them at school this time around, so was bombarded with all their emotions.

Poor Bella was dazzled into believin' she was in love with him, I tried to tell Carlisle and Esme, but for once they wanted to see him happy and disregarded my warnin's. She was a joy to be around, at first I just thought it was her emotions I was drawn to. But slowly they became duller and muted until she was just a shadow of her former self, but I still felt a pull towards her. Edward was basically suckin' her emotionally dry! Pun intended.

 **TMTIC**

Then her fateful birthday arrived, she turned eighteen that September. Alice insisted on a party, a party only she wanted, mind you. Bella had said no several times but was as usual overridden by the bossy twins. Everythin' went to shit that night, but provided many truths,

1, Alice and I were done, I didn't even want her as a friend now!

2, She tried to have me hurt Bella, to stop us bein' together!

3, Edward was only after Bella's blood, he nearly killed her that night!

4, Bella and I were mates, she trusted me more than anyone!

It went down like this, Peter phoned me early on in the day, told me to definitely hunt and not to do it alone! So when Alice sent Emmett and me on a bogus errand, we hunted on route, made it a game as usual. I told him not to think about it, but to give off the vibe of bein' hungry later on.

He quizzed me about it, so I just told him that Peter warned me somethin' was off about tonight. That was enough for Emmett, he trusted my brother, well like a brother! That was somethin' else Eddie and Alice didn't know, every time they went off on one of their culture jaunt's, we went to Pete and Char's for a break.

On occasion Carlisle and Esme came too, it was fun, somethin' the dreary duo knew nothin' about. But mostly the two of them got some much needed alone time on Isle Esme, where they could be just themselves, without interference from the prude police. Edward had a lot to answer for in that department, only Emmett and Rose ignored his barbed comments about everyone always havin' deviant sex. Mr Missionary didn't approve of anythin' sexual!

Anyway, after a couple of hours of searchin' for the perfect decorations, Alice changed her mind, so she called us home. Then every time I said I needed to hunt she found me somethin' else to do, Rose demanded Emmett get a break, so she huffily let him go, but not me. When they returned Rose gave me a nod to let me know she knew what was goin' on.

When it was almost time for Bella to arrive with Edward, I went to change and found a thermos of animal blood in my study, with a note from Esme. She didn't miss much, somethin' the others often overlooked, she wasn't the mother figure for nothin'. So when it all went pear-shaped, only two people were out for blood that night, Alice and Edward!

Alice rigged it so Bella would cut her finger, then Eddie got the scent and threw her behind him into the pile of crystal and china. Alice was ravin' on about me goin' to kill Bella. As Edward stood over her growlin' and droolin', protectin' his kill. Suddenly my brother and sister appeared, pinnin' him down as he ranted on about her bein' his kill, her blood was his and only his, she was his possession.

That's when Alice saw her chance, makin' to attack Bella, Rose grabbed her from behind, damn near rippin' out her hair. Alice was shoutin' that Bella had to die. I ripped the front of my shirt away and bent down in front of the bleedin' Bella. I was sayin' soothin' words and tryin' to make her calm, but she was and as she looked at me smilin' wanly, she was holdin' out her arm so I could wrap it up.

Once covered I scooped her up, tellin' Carlisle to follow me, he was so shocked by what had happened, needin' pushed towards the door by Esme. Then she took charge, orderin' both Edward and Alice to be restrained, in the newborn cages in the basement. Every house had them, just in case the family grew, for whatever reason. After Emmett, they were prepared for anythin'.

Once Carlisle stitched up Bella's arm, he noticed several oddly placed injection sites on her body, to all intents and purposes it looked like Edward was usin' her as an all you can eat buffet. Thankfully usin' his medical trainin' to draw her blood rather than take it from the source. I was beyond livid, ready to kill him, but Bella stopped me. Tellin' me not to do anythin' rash, askin' me not to leave her, so I stayed by her side.

 **TMTIC**

Once in the rarefied air-conditioned basement, Edward started to calm and got the whole messed up story out of Alice's head. He had kept up the charade listenin' as she tried to plan an escape for herself alone. From the moment Bella was born Alice knew, she was my mate destined for me alone. So she'd watched, makin' sure our paths never crossed. She would have no one thwart her plans to keep me tied to her until her real mate came along.

But she made a big mistake in leadin' us to 'Forks', Alice knew this was where Bella came from, but also knew she'd never return if possible, but she never counted on Renee remarryin'. Once she realised her mistake she told Edward that Bella was his mate, but that I would thirst for her blood. What Alice couldn't see was that Bella was Edwards singer.

When she found that out well she thought her worries were over. He would kill her and I would be none the wiser, but I had already felt the pull and was doubtin' her stories and Edward was much, much stronger than she gave him credit for.

Once Bella was all patched up, we went back down to hash out what had happened. Carlisle was so apologetic to both Bella and me, he realised how much danger she'd been in from Edward and Alice. He couldn't believe Edward would stoop so low as to feed from Bella.

But after an extensive search, the blood was found in Alice's room. Edwards clothes were laced with it, in waistbands, cuffs, turn-ups, anywhere she could put it. She was tryin' to push Edward over the edge, hopin' he'd lose it and kill Bella. God that boy was made of steel, he could be so much more if he'd open his mind to the possibility.

Carlisle brought Edward up, he couldn't look at either of us, he mumbled that he now knew the truth and was so sorry. He believed whatever Alice had said, seen her false visions and followed her every direction. He knew he should have asked Esme or Rose, but was too proud, Alice knew that and played on it.

Carlisle was firm for the first time ever with Edward, telling him he was sending him on a journey! A life experience, where he expected Edward to learn and grow, he wanted him to try new things, meet and accept new vampires, not rich ones, but honest hard working ones all over the world. But mostly he wanted him to stop relying on his gift alone, it could not tell him what was in a person's heart, just their head fleetingly.

So it was decided, as soon as Carlisle could sort it out he would go. One year in each place, unless he wished to stay longer. He also decided no more high school, this was not making any of us grow, but just stagnate. He stunned Rose by saying where ever they went next, he expected her to set up the daycare centre she always wanted, before talking herself back out of it.

It was decided by us all to hold off on Alice till the next day, let everyone clear their heads and then he as coven leader, would hear her out before handin' her over to me, as her biggest crime was against my mate and that carried the death sentence in our world, he just wanted to know why?

It was a pathetic tale, she just wanted the strongest vampire in our world as her protector. But once she had me, well she didn't know how to control me, so she set about trying to make me someone I wasn't. But Peter's influence stopped that happenin' completely, she knew animal blood would weaken me and help her keep some semblance of authority over me.

Thus living with the Cullens, she hated Carlisle's rules and cheated as often as possible. She had wanted the notoriety of bein' the Major's mate, but I didn't want to be him, so her plans changed and she settled for makin' me her puppet, my scars still scared people off. Then she saw Bella's birth and panicked, knowin' she'd have to keep us apart, again fate foiled her and she tried to kill her before I knew who she really was.

There was no great meanin' behind it all, just a selfish bitch, who wanted what wasn't hers to have. She had no depth of feelin's for the Cullens, they were also a means to her end. Her hatred of Bella was staggerin', a harmless innocent girl who was just in Alice's way. But through it all there was no great game plan, just the petty wants of a greedy child. Because really that's all she was!

 **TMTIC**

I was all ready to take her head and burn the psycho bitch, but Bella asked me two questions the next mornin'!

1\. Where would Alice hate goin' the most?

2\. What would she hate to lose the most?

Rose came up with one answer and funnily enough, Edward gave us the other!

"She would hate to lose her obscenely huge shoe and handbag collection, whereas she gets rid of clothes all the time, they stay with her, transported from place to place! Some are actually vintage ones", Rose said,

"Alice fears being held in Volterra! That would be, like once again being institutionalised, as far as she's concerned. She fears being, Aro's pet!" Edward said,

Bella suggested, rather than kill her, to send her to Aro as punishment. But before she went to burn all her shoes and bags in front of her. She knew Alice wanted her dead but would not stoop to her level and felt this was a better way and nowhere near as quick. Especially after Carlisle told her about Chelsea's power to control!

So Carlisle and I talked to Aro, he was not the megalomaniac despot some thought him to be, he just was tough and stood no nonsense. Once all was explained and Edward exonerated, due to Alice's lies and false visions. He asked to speak to Bella, she had him eatin' out the palm of her hand in minutes.

"Master Aro, I have just turned eighteen and do not want to be changed before finishing high school at least! I don't wish to be an immature vampire for eternity, therefore a drain on my family. I would like your permission to grow a little more mentally and hopefully be a credit to them and you, as my future ruler. I can't in all honesty, allow myself to burden my mate with a fool! He and you deserve better from me!" was all she said and he caved, givin' her time and commendin' her or her forethought.

I was to escort Alice to Volterra, I knew he wanted to read me and get all the facts. But I would never join the guard, offer my services, yes if needed, but not permanently, let's hope that's enough for him. Aro also suggested Edward visit them on his voyage of self-discovery, that Volterra had many different vampires there. for him to learn from. Maybe in about five years, he said and Edward agreed.

So the followin' day I took Alice, heavily sedated by my gift to the airport. The cover story was Bella's idea, Alice was goin' to rehab! Because she had been stealin' small amounts of drugs from Carlisle. This had been happenin' for a couple of years, but finally, she had become seriously dependent and increasingly violent.

Bella's injury would be proof, but she would tell her father she would not press charges, as long as Alice got help. Carlisle had got the false paperwork sorted out and she was soon to be a resident of the Volturi Clinic outside Pisa, Italy. Bella phoned me to say, Charlie, her dad was not happy, but Bella had laid on the poor Alice's thick and he caved. Better she got help and didn't have a record at her age he said.

 **TMTIC**

Once I had returned from Volterra, everythin' had changed, Edward was gone, on a world trip with a distant relative. Who we said wanted to give him somethin' to remember when college got too heavy. Joy seemed to be breakin' free throughout the family now. Carlisle and Esme were sad yes, but glad to be out from under the constrictions of Alice and Edward. It was only then, they saw just how controllin' the two of them had been.

Rose changed her clothes several times a day, Emmett laughed freely, lovin' to see his wife happy, Esme rearranged Alice's arrangements, colour schemes and tossed away the clutter and Carlisle often just stopped his wife and kissed her for no reason, but that he could without comment. He would just grab her, dip and then kiss her, sayin' thank you before leavin' her breathless, fannin' her cheeks.

Bella wandered about our home in jeans and band t'shirts, wore her ratty old converse and was radiantly happy, as was I. The weather changed and the months sped by and Thanksgivin' and Christmas were approachin' fast. We were now a couple and everyone said we looked so much happier than before with the other two.

Bella asked us all to a special Christmas for her dad and well 'Forks Police Dept'. She said this one would be her last with her dad and she wanted to leave a mark. She had been reading up on the town's history and saw some traditions had died out, Bella wanted them reinstated.

So we all happily agreed, as Emmett and Rose would have to appear to be home for college, they were really happy to join in too. As soon as she mentioned blindfolded toboggan racin', Emmett phoned Peter, he wanted to return the favour after all these years. So my brother and Charlotte joined the mayhem, makin' it more fun.

It was not as dangerous as it sounded, the driver wore the blindfold and their passenger had to shout directions, usually a wife or girlfriend, on a gently sloppin', curved track. I had guided Bella, we thought that would be fairer, we still won though, gettin' the furthest before crashin'.

The weather had played ball and it snowed all December that year, I drove us to school knowin' how Bella hated it, thank god I went as a junior with Alice and Edward this time around. I liked to chop and change sometimes with them, sometimes with Rose and Emmett as seniors, it stopped me gettin' too bored, well a little less bored.

The school band and choir had been practisin' for the carol singin', at the town tree lightin' ceremony and the football team was roped into making the ice skatin' rink. Day after day, water was flooded onto the supermarket car park, buildin' it up slowly, enough to be skated on durin' the festivities.

God that was the most hilarious Christmas of all, well not for Alice and maybe not Edward yet, but for the rest of us, it was. Why had we never gotten involved before, this was so brilliant? Emmett was to be Santa at the hospital for the sick children, he went around Ho Ho Hoin' for days, he was perfect for the job, just a big kid himself.

Charlotte was stoked that there was a street fayre as well, she had a stall sellin' her own handmade jewellery. Esme had baked up a storm and had every kind of cookie known to man, along with hot chocolate. Her proceeds went to the 'Policeman's Benevolent Association'.

The themed 5k race was takin' place the Sunday before Christmas, replacin' the previous pub crawl tradition, 'Forks' only had two now so it was pointless. People were either to be dressed as Santa, Elves or Snowmen, with the occasional reindeer thrown in. The whole town threw themselves into the long forgotten traditions, Charlie was thrilled that Bella was doin' this for him, especially.

The boys from the Rez had set up the biggest bonfire with driftwood from the beach, givin' off strange coloured flames, due to the salt. They made s'more's and baked potatoes in the edges of the pit, giant toasted marshmallows dripped everywhere. They seemed so much happier with no Edward readin' their collective minds or Alice screamin' at them because they blocked her visions.

Carlisle had, had no idea how nasty and petty they had been behavin' behind his back, causin' rifts for no reason. Edward had basically told them if we couldn't go on the Rez, they couldn't come into town! Carlisle was mortified and apologised to them all, repeatedly. That Christmas drew us together rather than push us apart.

The church under Mr Webber's direction laid on Christmas dinner for anyone livin' alone and those in the emergency services who'd had to work. The town came together deliverin' them on the day, before goin' home for their own. Charlie was workin' so Bella ate at the station with him and then had joined us for a snowball fight and a movie marathon. This I thought had looked' like the best Christmas I'd ever had, but it was topped the followin' year.

 **TMTIC**

There was no way I was leavin' 'Forks' without Bella, we laid down the groundwork for goin' to Texas for College, supposedly in the fall. That year was brilliant, we were so happy, Aro had been keen to know how Bella was doing and happy to leave her human until high school was done.

We had been progressin' our relationship as well. I couldn't believe the shit that Edward had told her about vampires who had human mates! He had been basically usin' it as an excuse not to touch her at all. He told her they were the first and it had never happened before, that was total crap, it happened all the time.

I was glad in one way but so angry at him for givin' her a complex about it, she tried not to show any emotion at all to me. But I had felt it bein' suppressed and asked outright why she was doing that and it all came out. I had asked Esme to talk to her and explain as much as she could, not wantin' to embarrass her by doin' it myself.

That made a change for the better and although we hadn't had sex, but like all other couples, we then were foolin' around plenty. Charlie, I was glad to find, liked me way more than 'That Pompous Ass', Charlie's words not mine. So I spent time with him too, watchin' games and talkin'. He was not the country hick cop, Edward had made him out to be.

So that's me full circle, to this Christmas. Standin' here with Bella, havin' just got down on one knee and proposed to her. She tearfully accepted and everyone cheered, I have never felt so whole, so complete. The whole family, well minus Alice is here, even Bella's parents made it, I'd asked Charlie's permission and invited him down here to Texas, as well as her mum and step-dad.

We've faked havin' an exchange programme in place, so after Christmas, we are pretendin', that we're goin' to London for the rest of the year. Her parents are worried, but Carlisle said he just couldn't pass up the chance of goin' home even for a few months and they will be joinin' us there.

But we will actually be in Alaska for Bella's change. I am beyond happy, after all these many, many years, I once again have a lovin' happy family and a future I can't wait to start. But for now, I'd like them all to go back to their hotels so I can make love to my future wife! Selfish I know, but hey, I'm a man, a man in love and desperate to show her how much I love, want and need her for all eternity,

 **"MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLIN'S"**


End file.
